The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
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I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.