The elevator to success is full, so I am taking the escalator of reasonable effort.
100+ Best Funny Quotes Mega Quotes & Wishes
Funny Quotes Mega quotes gather warm, thoughtful lines for readers looking for the right words. Copy a favourite or download it as a free image card to share with someone today.
Updated: October 2026
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I am not saying I am Wonder Woman, I am just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.
I am not weird. I am a limited edition.
If you think you are too small to matter, try being the one person who forgot the group gift.
I am on a whiskey diet. I have lost three days already.
My family is temperamental: half temper, half mental.
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it will not stop sending me Kit Kat ads.
Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.
I am not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
A balanced diet is holding the pizza in one hand and the salad in the other, equally untouched.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
My cooking is so fabulous, even the smoke alarm cheers me on.
Life is short. Smile, because the meeting could have been a voice note.
I am not late. Everyone else is just early.
A clear conscience is just what happens when the group chat gets deleted.
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said, how flexible are you? I said, I cannot make Tuesdays.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
I am not short, I am concentrated awesome.
Behind every successful person is a surprised group chat asking, wait, really?
If at first you do not succeed, skydiving is not for you.
My doctor told me to watch my weight, so I bought it a front-row seat at dinner.
I put the pro in procrastination.
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get into the office.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I am not arguing, I am just explaining why I am right.
My diet plan: make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you do not mind, it does not matter.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
The road to success is under construction, and so is my motivation.
I am so clever that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying.
My wallet is like a library book: mostly fines and regret when I open it.
I do not need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new look every morning.
Common sense is a wonderful gift. Mine is still in its original packaging.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
My bed and I have a deal: it pretends mornings do not exist, and I pretend to believe it.
I followed my heart once. It took me to the sofa and handed me the remote.
I am not lazy. I am just on energy-saving mode.